"You Are Not Alone: A Wellness Blog for Soulful Misfits"

I had recently started a medication that was prescribed to me by my doctor. It caused a few uncomfortable side effects, including reduced appetite and some stomach discomfort.

One afternoon, I headed to the gym for a workout. I ran on the treadmill and followed up with some weight training. I kept it pretty basic. My stomach started to feel a bit off. It felt like my intestines were throwing a rave of some sort. I thought it might be best to leave. A couple of minutes later, my cramps just kept cramping. I figured I would stop by the restroom before heading home, just to be on the safe side.

As I hurried over to the restroom, wouldn't you know it? I ran into one of my makeup clients. I had done her bridal makeup for her wedding a few months prior. Now, I assure you, she could not have picked a worse moment to stop and catch up. The struggle was real. I had to seriously work at pretending that I was processing any of what she was telling me. The only thing I could think about was what now felt like a race against time.

I saw no real end coming to the conversation. Desperate times called for desperate measures before she could begin her next sentence; I had created my exit moment. I told her I needed to hurry and get home, which was not an exaggeration of any sort. I then made a mad dash down those stairs like I was "The Flash." I just needed to make it to the women's locker room. It was footsteps away. It seemed so close and yet so far.

Then, an unfortunate and jarring sound came from my stomach and stopped me in my tracks. I could not imagine any good coming from what was about to follow, and I was correct. What you are thinking just happened did, in fact, happen. I shit my pants. I paused for a moment to compute what had just transpired. I also needed to figure out my quickest exit out of that gym. I walked uncomfortably and as quickly as possible toward the exit door and into the parking lot.

Fortunately, I only lived about five minutes away from my house. I do believe I made it home in three. I ran inside the house. I quickly waved to my son and daughter and headed to the shower. They both asked me why I had rushed past them. I explained to them what had happened. I will never, ever forget this part. I told them that I had eaten kale for lunch. I then said, "That kale went right through me." You might be thinking. What an odd thing to remember. Here is why I will never forget it.

My daughter edited some of my contact information on her phone the following day. The contact photo she had of me on her phone had been replaced with a doctored image of a piece of kale with Jerry Seinfeld's face. You ask, Why Jerry Seinfeld's face? She was going through a "Bee Movie" phase. My contact name was no longer Mom; it was now "That Kale Went Right Through Me."Any time I called her phone. That is what I saw.

Shit Happens!

You are not alone.